Afternoon Tea, Coffee & Other Treats

Afternoon Tea

Afternoon tea is a more important tradition than fish and chips (though maybe just a step down from Sunday roast). Some commentary you didn’t ask for:

Assume it’ll take about 3 hours.
It’s all carbs. The whole thing. You will leave with a tummy ache.
If you have dietary restrictions, almost all can accommodate, but you must inform them in advance as the teas and cakes take time to prepare.
It’s not really about the tea, it’s about the food. Just guess on the tea. It doesn’t matter.
The scones are the best part. The great British debate is “clotted cream or jam first?” which is a crazy debate because the only logical way to do it is cream first.
Some places do bottomless afternoon tea. It’s awesome. You don’t need it to have an amazing time, but it helps…
There is a LOT of food. Go hungry and don’t plan to eat very soon after. You might not need dinner.
Many of the teas have a theme, e.g. Bridgerton or Charlie in the Chocolate Factory. That usually doesn’t stop it from being beautiful and delicious, so don’t shy away!

You can’t really go wrong here, anywhere that has an afternoon tea is probably going to do a good one. I would actually recommend against going to the major ones that get advertised or come to mind (like Fortnum & Mason) as they tend to be more of a “conveyor belt” rather than allowing for a long and leisurely experience.

How to do it:

Enter establishment and be seated.
They give you the menu, you say “yes that all looks great”.
You choose one of several tea options, which are all described differently but taste roughly the same.
If you’re at a bottomless establishment, they’ll start you on the bubbles right away.
They’ll bring out a beautiful three-tiered tray about 20 minutes later, along with your tea. Usually you can swap out your tea at any time if you want to try another.
Your tea might have a little strainer thing. Put that in your cup first. Then pour the tea over. If you don’t get a little strainer thing, it might have it inside the pot.
You start at the bottom with finger sandwiches, work your way to the scones with cream and jam, and finish with the cakes at the top.
You roll out of there feeling sleepy and like you just ate a giant birthday cake.
You have a nap.

I’ve never had a bad afternoon tea, so it just depends what you’re looking for! I’m keeping it simple and hitting three niches:

I don’t care about the tea, I want bottomless Prosecco: Galvin at the Athenaeum
I want the most beautiful tea room you can find: The Lanesborough
I’m going with my kids and/or just like a cute theme (that’s also REALLY good): Science Afternoon Tea at The Ampersand Hotel